Memories

He was admitted in the hospital when we (me and my wife, Reeta) went to see my father before leaving for Zambia to take up a new assignment in 1979. As we entered, he looked at us with a childlike smile on his wrinkled face. He was very happy to see Reeta for the first time since we got married. We bowed our head and touched his feet to seek his blessings and sat down on the side of the bed. He then got up and asked me when we were leaving for Africa and few other things. When I asked him about his health and the treatment he was undergoing he smiled and said “Apna Dhyan Rakhna, Meri Chinta mat karo, Main Bilkul Thik Hoon Aur Jaldi Hi Ghar Chala Jaunga” (take care of yourself and do not worry about me, I am perfectly alright. I will be going Home soon). When we were about to leave he looked at us with the same smile, but I could see tears in his eyes and voice choked with emotions. He kept looking at us until we left the room. And that was the last time I saw my father. Who knew that I will never see him again? He departed from this world soon after I left for Zambia.
A year later exactly on the same day my mother died. And again I was not there with her. I was told that my mother was so desperate to hear my voice that my younger brother has to mimic my voice to assure her that I was there with her.
I knew about her illness well in advance. I could have gone and spent some time with her but I could not make it. Reason: I was too scared to lose my year old job. Whatever might be the reason, I still blame myself and carry the burden of guilt of not being with my parents when they needed me most. It is indeed a very painful memory.

Once an elderly woman said: “I wish I would have put as much emotion in to my relationship with my mom and dad as I do now in my memories of them. We should pay more attention when we are making our memories. If we did, we wouldn’t have so many regrets when all we have is memories.”